The usual, the boring...but still posting because I want to keep accountable!
We actually did get to complete the morning routine W-F. Monday morning we went to the library for family reading time (though they are on holiday until next Monday; we just hung out with friends there). Tuesday we went to our church's moms' group. I consider our morning routine part of homeschooling :)
No speech therapy today for Sharkbait because his therapist is out.
Sharkbait: AWANA verse; Phonics - one pg daily (bl, sl, fl, gl, cl); he also read the monthly Baby Animals magazine from cover-to-cover for his sisters and me, not that it's complex or long or anything...
SweetSong: AWANA verse and review; she also had fun going to town in the bathroom with a spray bottle of vinegar, water, and washing soda and a few papertowels (random)
All three: lots of read alouds and preschool Bible song CD (over and over)
In other homeschooling news, I got to put my hands on and peruse at my leisure Mystery of History, Vol. I. I'm super interested in using this next year for first grade. I have Story of the World, Vol. I, but not the Activity Guide...I wonder if I had the AG, would that suffice? How do you choose? I like that MOH is overtly Christian. It also is re-usable, in the sense that each lesson has assignments for students in varying ages/grades. Does the SOTW AG have that, I wonder? Hmmmm....need to do a bit more research :)
I've been horrible with keeping up with Math. It was funny, though, when I gave the kids a bath this morning, Sharkbait kept on saying his math facts, though we've not officially taught them to him yet. 5 + 5 = 10; 3 + 3 = 6; etc. Funny! I answered some of the harder ones, like 11 + 11 :)
I suppose that's something we could review in the car...
That's about it!
Friday, February 26, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Staging My Kitchen
I'm so taking a small break from relating my adoption story. It's so intense that I have to be mentally prepared to write...which I'm not today! But I am slightly, um, affected by the metal cleaner I used on my kitchen cabinet handles this morning, so I thought I'd post some before and after pics of my kitchen as I get ready to put the house on the market. 
I had already cleaned and replaced the cabinet handles by the time I thought of taking pictures, so there's no real "before" photo for this area. However, this is what the sink area usually looks like: a crock pot or rice cooker out, papertowels, canisters, my cordless handvac (which you can't see well), etc.
This is what the sink area looks like with cleaned handles and less clutter:
Another view:
Oy, I had put all the clutter on the kitchen table when taking these pics. When we actually have to show the house, though, most of this stuff should already be packed away in storage somewhere, including the red wok on top of the cabinets.
I don't think our cabinet handles have EVER been cleaned. Cleaned, they bring a whole new look to the kitchen!
Okay, so here's what this area looks like when it's cleaned up (which isn't typical, by the way). You can't see the handles very well, but these are ones I haven't cleaned up yet.
First question: When showing my house, should I have the coffee maker out, like the photo above or not, like the photo below?
I had already cleaned and replaced the cabinet handles by the time I thought of taking pictures, so there's no real "before" photo for this area. However, this is what the sink area usually looks like: a crock pot or rice cooker out, papertowels, canisters, my cordless handvac (which you can't see well), etc.
This is what the sink area looks like with cleaned handles and less clutter:
Another view:
Oy, I had put all the clutter on the kitchen table when taking these pics. When we actually have to show the house, though, most of this stuff should already be packed away in storage somewhere, including the red wok on top of the cabinets.
Phew, this is going to be a lot of work!
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
My Adoption Story - A Letter
For some reason, I feel this need to put my adoption story into writing...I need to describe for myself and for my family and friends what this thing is all about.
Here is how I found out about my birthfamily.
My mom and dad's adoption papers were falsified. My original papers state that my birthparents were 11 or so years apart in age and unmarried. An illegitimate child in Korea has little hope for a good future.
When I was a student in France for a semester, a Korean gentleman approached me at the church I attended with my host family. He asked me in French if I were American. Yes, I said, how did you know? (I expected the usual question: Where are you from? which is always loaded down with meaning.) I don't remember how he answered, but I went on to explain that I was adopted. His response surprised me. He expressed guilt and asked for pardon on behalf of all Korean people for putting me up for adoption. Whoa. Hello! I'm the most BLESSED person in the world! Why would you feel guilty for letting blessing happen to me? And I don't even know you! You do not know my birthparents! I was learning about the intense cultural ties Koreans maintain with one another. I like to say that after living in Europe for one year and Asia for two and a half, that I see Americans and Koreans as being the most ego-centric culturally. Americans almost always hang out with other American expats. The same with Koreans.
In fact, when I was in Albania on a short-term missions trip, I was approached by a group of Koreans encouraging me strongly to stay with them to celebrate the New Year. I had no clue who these people were and I was with my own group! Very surprising.
At any rate...
Over the rest of the semester the gentleman and I met at various times to talk. He offered to find out more about my birthfamily when he got back to Korea, as he was a professor of law in Seoul. I sent him my papers when I returned home and didn't hear from him for a long time. Then during Spring Break my senior year in college, I received a letter from the adoption agency.
***********
I just pulled out the letter. It's right here in front of me. I haven't looked at it in years...and now I see that the agency did indeed give me the names to my birthparents! Wow! All these years I had forgotten that...Maybe I just didn't want to process it...it's funny, though, because when I was living in Korea a few years after receiving this letter (which does, indeed, include an offer to help me find my birthparents!), I asked the agency for my family medical records, which they do not keep. They could only offer to put me on a list of adoptees looking for their birthfamilies. If the birthfamilies come looking for their children, then they can be matched up. But why didn't the agency do more for me, if they had already promised to do so in this letter, written a few years prior? I don't know. Maybe I don't really want to find my birthfamily.
The letter states that my birthfather was 33 years old and had a "meek and gentle personality". I guess he was "attractive". They also include his height (5'5"), which I find amusing. My birthmother, apparently, is 5'4" and has a "very docile personality and a sweet disposition". She was 32 (not 22) at the time of my birth. They were married, and had three daughters already.
The report my mom and dad received when they adopted me stated that my birthparents had "already signed the legal document to relinquish parental rights" at the time of my birth. Now this letter states that "according to the story given by the midwife [my] birthparents decided on an adoption plan due to their serious financial problems after [my] birthfather's business went bankrupt." I wonder when that happened...
Like I said, the birthparents' names are included in the letter! How in the world did I miss that??? And the letter ends with an offer to help with finding my birthfamily! How in the world did I miss that??? The woman who signed the letter is the same woman whom I emailed years later when I lived in country and asked for my medical history. Maybe if I had reminded her of this letter, more than getting my name on a list might have happened.
But would I have wanted something more to happen?
I've read/heard that most adoptees are content seeing pictures of their birthfamilies. Or that when they do meet the birthfamilies, due to language and cultural barriers, the biggest thing they get out of the experience is: whoa, it's weird meeting someone who looks like me. I have three children, and none really look like me. In fact, just the other day, someone commented on how different each child looks. The person went on to say that our son looks more like Hub. Hey, I wanted to protest, you should compare my 2-month pictures with my son's 2-month pictures. We look similar! But yes, he's always compared to Hubby...sigh.
When I lived in Korea and took the subway into or out of Seoul, where I was born, I would search the faces of my fellow passengers, looking for a woman who looked like me. Maybe she would be one of my sisters! I never did see anyone who looked similar.
I guess if I did meet my birthparents, I would try to assuage any guilt they might bear. I would convince them in the strongest terms I know that I grew up blessed, in a loving, Christian home. I would express my thanks to them for giving me a wonderful life in America. I would bring pictures of my happy childhood, of my dear family. I would hug them if they wanted, and listen to their words. Out of curiosity and a love of studying people, I would ask for their stories. How did you meet? What are your parents like? Did you have cravings when you were pregnant with me? Why did you give me up for adoption, again?
**********
Do I have a burning desire to meet my birthfamily?
No, not really.
But I would, if the opportunity presented itself.
I mean, why not? My story reads like a novel. I'm interested myself, in how it'll all turn out! Curiosity - that's why I'd meet them. Resolution? Reconciliation? Two big words, too big ideas. I'm not there. Yet.
Forgiveness is one thing when it's between you and God. It's another thing when you're face-to-face with the other person.
And like I said, I'm not there yet.
But now that I have names, I can pray for them. Yes, I can pray. The Lord calls me to pray, draws me to His heart to pray for my birthparents. That I can do.
Here is how I found out about my birthfamily.
My mom and dad's adoption papers were falsified. My original papers state that my birthparents were 11 or so years apart in age and unmarried. An illegitimate child in Korea has little hope for a good future.
When I was a student in France for a semester, a Korean gentleman approached me at the church I attended with my host family. He asked me in French if I were American. Yes, I said, how did you know? (I expected the usual question: Where are you from? which is always loaded down with meaning.) I don't remember how he answered, but I went on to explain that I was adopted. His response surprised me. He expressed guilt and asked for pardon on behalf of all Korean people for putting me up for adoption. Whoa. Hello! I'm the most BLESSED person in the world! Why would you feel guilty for letting blessing happen to me? And I don't even know you! You do not know my birthparents! I was learning about the intense cultural ties Koreans maintain with one another. I like to say that after living in Europe for one year and Asia for two and a half, that I see Americans and Koreans as being the most ego-centric culturally. Americans almost always hang out with other American expats. The same with Koreans.
In fact, when I was in Albania on a short-term missions trip, I was approached by a group of Koreans encouraging me strongly to stay with them to celebrate the New Year. I had no clue who these people were and I was with my own group! Very surprising.
At any rate...
Over the rest of the semester the gentleman and I met at various times to talk. He offered to find out more about my birthfamily when he got back to Korea, as he was a professor of law in Seoul. I sent him my papers when I returned home and didn't hear from him for a long time. Then during Spring Break my senior year in college, I received a letter from the adoption agency.
***********
I just pulled out the letter. It's right here in front of me. I haven't looked at it in years...and now I see that the agency did indeed give me the names to my birthparents! Wow! All these years I had forgotten that...Maybe I just didn't want to process it...it's funny, though, because when I was living in Korea a few years after receiving this letter (which does, indeed, include an offer to help me find my birthparents!), I asked the agency for my family medical records, which they do not keep. They could only offer to put me on a list of adoptees looking for their birthfamilies. If the birthfamilies come looking for their children, then they can be matched up. But why didn't the agency do more for me, if they had already promised to do so in this letter, written a few years prior? I don't know. Maybe I don't really want to find my birthfamily.
The letter states that my birthfather was 33 years old and had a "meek and gentle personality". I guess he was "attractive". They also include his height (5'5"), which I find amusing. My birthmother, apparently, is 5'4" and has a "very docile personality and a sweet disposition". She was 32 (not 22) at the time of my birth. They were married, and had three daughters already.
The report my mom and dad received when they adopted me stated that my birthparents had "already signed the legal document to relinquish parental rights" at the time of my birth. Now this letter states that "according to the story given by the midwife [my] birthparents decided on an adoption plan due to their serious financial problems after [my] birthfather's business went bankrupt." I wonder when that happened...
Like I said, the birthparents' names are included in the letter! How in the world did I miss that??? And the letter ends with an offer to help with finding my birthfamily! How in the world did I miss that??? The woman who signed the letter is the same woman whom I emailed years later when I lived in country and asked for my medical history. Maybe if I had reminded her of this letter, more than getting my name on a list might have happened.
But would I have wanted something more to happen?
I've read/heard that most adoptees are content seeing pictures of their birthfamilies. Or that when they do meet the birthfamilies, due to language and cultural barriers, the biggest thing they get out of the experience is: whoa, it's weird meeting someone who looks like me. I have three children, and none really look like me. In fact, just the other day, someone commented on how different each child looks. The person went on to say that our son looks more like Hub. Hey, I wanted to protest, you should compare my 2-month pictures with my son's 2-month pictures. We look similar! But yes, he's always compared to Hubby...sigh.
When I lived in Korea and took the subway into or out of Seoul, where I was born, I would search the faces of my fellow passengers, looking for a woman who looked like me. Maybe she would be one of my sisters! I never did see anyone who looked similar.
I guess if I did meet my birthparents, I would try to assuage any guilt they might bear. I would convince them in the strongest terms I know that I grew up blessed, in a loving, Christian home. I would express my thanks to them for giving me a wonderful life in America. I would bring pictures of my happy childhood, of my dear family. I would hug them if they wanted, and listen to their words. Out of curiosity and a love of studying people, I would ask for their stories. How did you meet? What are your parents like? Did you have cravings when you were pregnant with me? Why did you give me up for adoption, again?
**********
Do I have a burning desire to meet my birthfamily?
No, not really.
But I would, if the opportunity presented itself.
I mean, why not? My story reads like a novel. I'm interested myself, in how it'll all turn out! Curiosity - that's why I'd meet them. Resolution? Reconciliation? Two big words, too big ideas. I'm not there. Yet.
Forgiveness is one thing when it's between you and God. It's another thing when you're face-to-face with the other person.
And like I said, I'm not there yet.
But now that I have names, I can pray for them. Yes, I can pray. The Lord calls me to pray, draws me to His heart to pray for my birthparents. That I can do.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
My Adoption Story - Forgiveness
Last night I met a college student from Taiwan. She asked me this question I get often, in various forms. She chose to ask it this way: Do your children only speak English?
The underlying question is: Are you forsaking your ethnic culture? Sometimes it's asked in an accusatory tone; sometimes it's asked purely out of curiosity. But it inevitably comes up when I meet any Asian or Asian-American person.
My response was: yes, they only speak English, since that is the only language Hub and I speak fluently. The student also asked where I was from. Now, I know she's not looking for the "real" answer, which is: upstate New York. The answer she's looking for is: I was born in Korea and adopted as an infant. So, that's what I say. Then, I have to explain my hub's background: his parents are full Koreans, but he was born and raised in the States. I usually add that his family stopped speaking Korean to him and his sisters when he was four, so they would be ready for school, though his parents are both hard to understand when they speak in English!
I weakly tried to explain that I'm American, not Asian..but somehow the words just faded on my lips...the student gave a half-hearted nod, and we moved on to bigger and better topics, like the cuteness of my children, a fave topic of mine.
It's hard to explain, but if I'm Asian, then my next door neighbor is African!
Another Korean-American friend of mine explained to her mother that I was just "very Americanized". I had to correct her and say, I am not Americanized, I'm American! This, I believe, is the difference between the Korean-American and the Korean adoptee.
When asked on a questionnaire what ethnicity I am, I check the American/Caucasian block if it's a social/psychological-type survey; however, if it's a medical/physical survey, I check the Asian block.
And that is the extent of my Asian-ness.
**********
This morning I woke up extremely happy. It was spring-like outside; my hub had taken my kids to Dunkin' D's to pick up our traditional Sunday breakfast. They were due back any minute with the donuts, and I was just lying in bed, grateful for the sunshine streaming in my window.
I suddenly had a thought, brought on by the conversation I'd had with the student last night. It might have also stemmed from the World magazine articles I'd been reading lately about abortion. But I realized that my birthparents just might have loved me...They must have! Surely! I mean, I was the fourth girl, born into a culture that advocates 2 children, 3 max. (In fact, Hub's father told me half-jokingly, half-seriously that we couldn't have any more children!) But in Korea, it is customary to abort extra girl babies or any over the fourth child...I was both: the fourth girl. I had never thought about my birthparents in the light of love. My birthmother had to make the decision to go through with the pregnancy, probably with pressure from her parents and in-laws to abort. Korean parents pressure/harrass their children for many things. Hub's mom was harrassed by her in-laws for producing two girls and no boys. Good thing Hub was born shortly thereafter! The ironic thing, is, of course, that it's the man's contribution - the x or y chromosome - that determines the gender! But somehow it's the woman's fault!
Anyways, my birthmother decided to go through the labor and delivery, though she most likely knew she'd be giving me up immediately after. Maybe they were hoping for a boy? If I had been a boy, would they have kept me?
I met Hub in Korea (ironically enough; I'll share that story later). We married and got pregnant there, too! I had my ultrasound done at a Korean clinic and fully expected to find out the gender of our child, especially since our white American friends who had gone in right before us were told the gender of their baby. But the doctor refused to tell us the gender of ours. It's illegal to reveal the gender, she said, because so many parents abort girl babies. I started crying because I had to try to explain to her that Hub and I weren't Korean!!! You told our American friends!!! Why not us? She asked, semi-accusingly, why we would want to know. I don't remember how I answered; I just remember convincing her I was American and therefore had the right to know. She semi-relented and hinted at the baby being a boy.
I met a Korean woman at Bible study recently. Her family had moved to America when she was 16. She has 6 or 7 brothers; she's the only female born to the family. Her mom had been obsessive about having boys (from pressure from her mother) and resented her only daughter.
The gender issue is still very real in Korea.
But back to this morning:
I saw my birthparents in a new light. Though I may never meet them, I feel that I can forgive them.
Actually, a year or so ago, I prayed with Hub's sister, forgiving my birthparents. I believe at the moment, I let go. But I still have struggles, like last night, that will never stop popping up. Forgiveness is a one-time deal, in a sense, and in another sense, it's a recurring struggle, never to be fully resolved. Each time it recurs, I have to choose all over again. Either I will believe in the power of forgiveness and let go of bad thoughts or I will give in to sin and let bitterness grow in my heart toward my birthparents. It's tough and not cut-n-dried...
**********
Am I forsaking my ethnic culture?
No, it forsook me.
But maybe, just maybe, my birthparents didn't forsake me and did what they believed best for me, considering the pressures and contraints of the culture. (At any rate, I wouldn't have it any other way. I love the life God granted me!)
You know, I had never before separated my birthparents from my birth culture...another step toward forgiveness.
The underlying question is: Are you forsaking your ethnic culture? Sometimes it's asked in an accusatory tone; sometimes it's asked purely out of curiosity. But it inevitably comes up when I meet any Asian or Asian-American person.
My response was: yes, they only speak English, since that is the only language Hub and I speak fluently. The student also asked where I was from. Now, I know she's not looking for the "real" answer, which is: upstate New York. The answer she's looking for is: I was born in Korea and adopted as an infant. So, that's what I say. Then, I have to explain my hub's background: his parents are full Koreans, but he was born and raised in the States. I usually add that his family stopped speaking Korean to him and his sisters when he was four, so they would be ready for school, though his parents are both hard to understand when they speak in English!
I weakly tried to explain that I'm American, not Asian..but somehow the words just faded on my lips...the student gave a half-hearted nod, and we moved on to bigger and better topics, like the cuteness of my children, a fave topic of mine.
It's hard to explain, but if I'm Asian, then my next door neighbor is African!
Another Korean-American friend of mine explained to her mother that I was just "very Americanized". I had to correct her and say, I am not Americanized, I'm American! This, I believe, is the difference between the Korean-American and the Korean adoptee.
When asked on a questionnaire what ethnicity I am, I check the American/Caucasian block if it's a social/psychological-type survey; however, if it's a medical/physical survey, I check the Asian block.
And that is the extent of my Asian-ness.
**********
This morning I woke up extremely happy. It was spring-like outside; my hub had taken my kids to Dunkin' D's to pick up our traditional Sunday breakfast. They were due back any minute with the donuts, and I was just lying in bed, grateful for the sunshine streaming in my window.
I suddenly had a thought, brought on by the conversation I'd had with the student last night. It might have also stemmed from the World magazine articles I'd been reading lately about abortion. But I realized that my birthparents just might have loved me...They must have! Surely! I mean, I was the fourth girl, born into a culture that advocates 2 children, 3 max. (In fact, Hub's father told me half-jokingly, half-seriously that we couldn't have any more children!) But in Korea, it is customary to abort extra girl babies or any over the fourth child...I was both: the fourth girl. I had never thought about my birthparents in the light of love. My birthmother had to make the decision to go through with the pregnancy, probably with pressure from her parents and in-laws to abort. Korean parents pressure/harrass their children for many things. Hub's mom was harrassed by her in-laws for producing two girls and no boys. Good thing Hub was born shortly thereafter! The ironic thing, is, of course, that it's the man's contribution - the x or y chromosome - that determines the gender! But somehow it's the woman's fault!
Anyways, my birthmother decided to go through the labor and delivery, though she most likely knew she'd be giving me up immediately after. Maybe they were hoping for a boy? If I had been a boy, would they have kept me?
I met Hub in Korea (ironically enough; I'll share that story later). We married and got pregnant there, too! I had my ultrasound done at a Korean clinic and fully expected to find out the gender of our child, especially since our white American friends who had gone in right before us were told the gender of their baby. But the doctor refused to tell us the gender of ours. It's illegal to reveal the gender, she said, because so many parents abort girl babies. I started crying because I had to try to explain to her that Hub and I weren't Korean!!! You told our American friends!!! Why not us? She asked, semi-accusingly, why we would want to know. I don't remember how I answered; I just remember convincing her I was American and therefore had the right to know. She semi-relented and hinted at the baby being a boy.
I met a Korean woman at Bible study recently. Her family had moved to America when she was 16. She has 6 or 7 brothers; she's the only female born to the family. Her mom had been obsessive about having boys (from pressure from her mother) and resented her only daughter.
The gender issue is still very real in Korea.
But back to this morning:
I saw my birthparents in a new light. Though I may never meet them, I feel that I can forgive them.
Actually, a year or so ago, I prayed with Hub's sister, forgiving my birthparents. I believe at the moment, I let go. But I still have struggles, like last night, that will never stop popping up. Forgiveness is a one-time deal, in a sense, and in another sense, it's a recurring struggle, never to be fully resolved. Each time it recurs, I have to choose all over again. Either I will believe in the power of forgiveness and let go of bad thoughts or I will give in to sin and let bitterness grow in my heart toward my birthparents. It's tough and not cut-n-dried...
**********
Am I forsaking my ethnic culture?
No, it forsook me.
But maybe, just maybe, my birthparents didn't forsake me and did what they believed best for me, considering the pressures and contraints of the culture. (At any rate, I wouldn't have it any other way. I love the life God granted me!)
You know, I had never before separated my birthparents from my birth culture...another step toward forgiveness.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Weekly Report, 2/15-19/10
Hub was home Monday and Tuesday, so of course, nothing got done. Wednesday and Thursday were spent catching up on cleaning and regaining focus/sanity after the prolonged and crazy weekend!
W/Th/F - Phonics with Sharkbait
F - AWANA verses with Sharkbait and SweetSong (Sharkbait did copy his verse down. I called it his copywork!)
F - worked on morning routine, which I'm starting to think is crucial to setting up a good homeschool (well, at least for undisciplined mommies like me!)
That's about it! Thanks for stopping by :)
W/Th/F - Phonics with Sharkbait
F - AWANA verses with Sharkbait and SweetSong (Sharkbait did copy his verse down. I called it his copywork!)
F - worked on morning routine, which I'm starting to think is crucial to setting up a good homeschool (well, at least for undisciplined mommies like me!)
That's about it! Thanks for stopping by :)
How our AM Routine Went
First of all, yay to my two readers for giving input! Woo-hoo!
Rebecca, thank you for your time-tested advice to AVOID STRESSING OUT! This is so my goal: to change and progress, but not to be obsessed about or depressed by it (or lack of it). I so dig your idea of adding one responsibility and/or privilege at each birthday. Putting it in the birthday card is EVEN BETTER! That'll make it so super cool! I'm so going to do that!
R, thanks for commiserating with me :) I like the idea of a helper a day...that way, I could intro or try out different "chores" with each kid to find out what's doable...and get some quality time with each...maybe letting each help with meal prep when it's his/her day...just thinking out loud...lots of possibilities!
Well, I did follow the routine today, and it somehow brought more...peace (?) to our home...not that our home is not peaceful (ha!)...but there was this calm after we finished the routine...the kids calmly played by themselves until lunch! It was amazing! Okay, so there was only about an hour from the end of the routine to lunch, but still!
I cleared out the sink the night before. That does not mean I washed every dish, though :) I put what I could in the dishwasher and set the rest next to the sink to be washed this morning.
This AM hub was home for awhile, so he set out the kids' "first breakfast" (sorry, I'm reading the Lord of the Rings right now). I got up, drank my first cup o'joe, and took my time making eggs. The kids were at that point done with first bfast and the table looked it. While the eggs were cooking, I just took all books and crayons and toys off the table, leaving the dirty dishes for Snuggie. We ate leisurely and as they finished, they were allowed to leave and play. When all had finished, I called Snuggie to put all the dishes in the sink (after I had "organized" them and placed them at the edge of the table, ha!). When she was done, Sharkbait was up to wipe down the table. I was tempted to do it for him, but instead, just directed him crumb by crumb...he did fine, too. SweetSong loves using our cordless handvac! She vacuumed up around the table after I wiped up the sticky jelly from first breakfast, and voila! DONE!
We went through the rest of the routine...I simply called each one when I needed him/her, whether for brushing teeth or working on the AWANA verse.
I was glad we didn't go to speech therapy today (Sharkbait has a little cold). It allowed for a nice, leisurely morning that I feel was a success :)
But don't worry, I am not going to make this day the standard (that's just setting myself up for failure!). I'm just going to take it a day at a time. This resolve feels like freedom :)
Rebecca, thank you for your time-tested advice to AVOID STRESSING OUT! This is so my goal: to change and progress, but not to be obsessed about or depressed by it (or lack of it). I so dig your idea of adding one responsibility and/or privilege at each birthday. Putting it in the birthday card is EVEN BETTER! That'll make it so super cool! I'm so going to do that!
R, thanks for commiserating with me :) I like the idea of a helper a day...that way, I could intro or try out different "chores" with each kid to find out what's doable...and get some quality time with each...maybe letting each help with meal prep when it's his/her day...just thinking out loud...lots of possibilities!
Well, I did follow the routine today, and it somehow brought more...peace (?) to our home...not that our home is not peaceful (ha!)...but there was this calm after we finished the routine...the kids calmly played by themselves until lunch! It was amazing! Okay, so there was only about an hour from the end of the routine to lunch, but still!
I cleared out the sink the night before. That does not mean I washed every dish, though :) I put what I could in the dishwasher and set the rest next to the sink to be washed this morning.
This AM hub was home for awhile, so he set out the kids' "first breakfast" (sorry, I'm reading the Lord of the Rings right now). I got up, drank my first cup o'joe, and took my time making eggs. The kids were at that point done with first bfast and the table looked it. While the eggs were cooking, I just took all books and crayons and toys off the table, leaving the dirty dishes for Snuggie. We ate leisurely and as they finished, they were allowed to leave and play. When all had finished, I called Snuggie to put all the dishes in the sink (after I had "organized" them and placed them at the edge of the table, ha!). When she was done, Sharkbait was up to wipe down the table. I was tempted to do it for him, but instead, just directed him crumb by crumb...he did fine, too. SweetSong loves using our cordless handvac! She vacuumed up around the table after I wiped up the sticky jelly from first breakfast, and voila! DONE!
We went through the rest of the routine...I simply called each one when I needed him/her, whether for brushing teeth or working on the AWANA verse.
I was glad we didn't go to speech therapy today (Sharkbait has a little cold). It allowed for a nice, leisurely morning that I feel was a success :)
But don't worry, I am not going to make this day the standard (that's just setting myself up for failure!). I'm just going to take it a day at a time. This resolve feels like freedom :)
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Why the Morning Routine is NOT Working
I know why it's not working:
For starters, I cannot start my day without sitting in my glider rocking chair with a cup of creamy hot coffee. I have to sit there and not be disturbed until the caffeine has started its course throughout my limbs, reviving this still sleepy mommy. I cannot move until the first cup is completely gone.
That takes time.
By the time I am ready to start my day, the kids have already eaten the small breakfast I've set for them (typically toast or cereal), and are already coloring at the table, playing with toys in their bedrooms, or sitting on the couch "reading" books. Scattered. Like autumn leaves in the wind.
It's not easy to bring them back to the messy table for clean up time.
Even if I did get them to help, I have to micro-manage each step because they don't know how to do their chores. So, while I'm directing Snuggie to clear the table, so that it can be wiped down, the other two wander back to whatever they were doing before I called them. When Snuggie does attempt to put the dishes in the sink, I cringe, because the sink is still full from dishes from the night before! Don't let the breakfast dishes fall, little one! Here, just let me do it.
And that's just the first few events that are listed on our routine.
I know what I need to do:
1. At the very least, clear out the kitchen sink the night before, so that the breakfast dishes can be safely tossed in there the next day.
2. Have the kids practice their skills by directing them to clear and clean the dinner table, when I have Hub there to help.
3. Allow for playtimes while I finish my coffee. No way I'm giving that up!
4. Adjust my expectations. It'll take a while to teach myself and my kids how to do all these new tasks. Change my goal from perfection to progress.
5. Start tomorrow. I'm a perfectionist, and when things don't go "right" right away, I tend to label it a failure and hide from it until it bothers me so much that I have to think it through. That's where I'm at right now :)
If I don't start tomorrow, when will I?
If I don't post about it tomorrow, you (two readers) have permission to write something snarky, er, I mean, exhortation-like to *encourage* me in the right direction.
Sweet.
For starters, I cannot start my day without sitting in my glider rocking chair with a cup of creamy hot coffee. I have to sit there and not be disturbed until the caffeine has started its course throughout my limbs, reviving this still sleepy mommy. I cannot move until the first cup is completely gone.
That takes time.
By the time I am ready to start my day, the kids have already eaten the small breakfast I've set for them (typically toast or cereal), and are already coloring at the table, playing with toys in their bedrooms, or sitting on the couch "reading" books. Scattered. Like autumn leaves in the wind.
It's not easy to bring them back to the messy table for clean up time.
Even if I did get them to help, I have to micro-manage each step because they don't know how to do their chores. So, while I'm directing Snuggie to clear the table, so that it can be wiped down, the other two wander back to whatever they were doing before I called them. When Snuggie does attempt to put the dishes in the sink, I cringe, because the sink is still full from dishes from the night before! Don't let the breakfast dishes fall, little one! Here, just let me do it.
And that's just the first few events that are listed on our routine.
I know what I need to do:
1. At the very least, clear out the kitchen sink the night before, so that the breakfast dishes can be safely tossed in there the next day.
2. Have the kids practice their skills by directing them to clear and clean the dinner table, when I have Hub there to help.
3. Allow for playtimes while I finish my coffee. No way I'm giving that up!
4. Adjust my expectations. It'll take a while to teach myself and my kids how to do all these new tasks. Change my goal from perfection to progress.
5. Start tomorrow. I'm a perfectionist, and when things don't go "right" right away, I tend to label it a failure and hide from it until it bothers me so much that I have to think it through. That's where I'm at right now :)
If I don't start tomorrow, when will I?
If I don't post about it tomorrow, you (two readers) have permission to write something snarky, er, I mean, exhortation-like to *encourage* me in the right direction.
Sweet.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Is it tacky?
Is it tacky to reflect on Valentine's Day two days later?
Oh, well. I'm going to do it, anyways.
A week or so ago, I was actually shopping alone (woo-hoo!). I stopped at the PX and picked up some small Valentine's gifts for the kiddies. For the girls, I bought these little bracelets that were made in China. Is that love or what? The girls oohed and aahed, and wore their gifts to church.
For Sharkbait, I bought (of course), Nemo stickers. They ended up in a big sticker bunch by the end of the day, after being stuck and re-stuck to a clipboard, Sharkbait's face, and the wall...good thing I only spent a dollar on them.
For hub, I got one of those cards that makes music; he loves those. Like I said, he's musically-inclined. He speaks and thinks and feels in music, even when the music issues from cheesy cards from Walmart!
I asked for chocolate for Valentine's. I specified the kind, so I wouldn't get stuck with Russell Stover's again. I was happy :)
We babysat our friends' two children overnight, since the husband is deploying soon. We also invited over our friends with the three kids. And the little girl from across the street who comes to church with us. Yep, we spent our Valentine's night with two friends, nine children under the age of seven, and Settlers of Catan. It was GREAT!
This Valentine's, I have been reminded of the joy that comes from giving little gifts to my family that make them smile, even if the gift lasts no more than one day.
Oh, well. I'm going to do it, anyways.
A week or so ago, I was actually shopping alone (woo-hoo!). I stopped at the PX and picked up some small Valentine's gifts for the kiddies. For the girls, I bought these little bracelets that were made in China. Is that love or what? The girls oohed and aahed, and wore their gifts to church.
For Sharkbait, I bought (of course), Nemo stickers. They ended up in a big sticker bunch by the end of the day, after being stuck and re-stuck to a clipboard, Sharkbait's face, and the wall...good thing I only spent a dollar on them.
For hub, I got one of those cards that makes music; he loves those. Like I said, he's musically-inclined. He speaks and thinks and feels in music, even when the music issues from cheesy cards from Walmart!
I asked for chocolate for Valentine's. I specified the kind, so I wouldn't get stuck with Russell Stover's again. I was happy :)
We babysat our friends' two children overnight, since the husband is deploying soon. We also invited over our friends with the three kids. And the little girl from across the street who comes to church with us. Yep, we spent our Valentine's night with two friends, nine children under the age of seven, and Settlers of Catan. It was GREAT!
This Valentine's, I have been reminded of the joy that comes from giving little gifts to my family that make them smile, even if the gift lasts no more than one day.
I have learned that I love peace and quiet as much as I love a full house! (That's saying a lot, since I'm extremely extroverted! But really, nine kids? Under the age of seven? Five of them overnight? All I can say is: WE SURVIVED!!!)
I'm learning that love happens in the experiences, in the daily things, like bracelets and stickers and slumber parties. Tacky or not, reflecting on LOVE is always a good idea :)
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Snuggie
I just tagged all my posts and realized I have no posts featuring Snuggie! So, here is a bunch of my favorite pictures from her first year or so of life, though she's 2 1/2 now!
*Chunky monkey (one-month old)
* My favorite mommy-n-me
* My favorite mommy-n-me
*Tee-hee-hee!
*Baby Einstein!
*Always wanting to do what Big Bro and Sis do!
*Cutie pie fairy baby
Friday, February 12, 2010
Weekly Report, 2/8-12/10
Well, if nothing else, we've been having loads of fun reading picture books from the library. This week's books include Strega Nona by Tomie de Paola, Make Way for Ducklings by Robert McCloskey and Dory Story by Jerry Pallotta. I feel that the kids are actually starting to listen, starting to put the words that they hear into some sort of order...syncing them up with pictures painted on the page...starting to make sense of the plot...hopefully gaining appreciation for the beauty of the written and illustrated story!
Sharkbait has resigned himself to doing one phonics page with me :)
He learned the "-sh-", the "-ch-", and the "wh-" sounds.
AWANA was cancelled this week due to the "snow". I was so happy, though, that because of the new morning routine, we actually reviewed the verses daily this week!
Sharkbait has also become quite the artist. He draws scene upon scene from Finding Nemo, like this:
The picture in his book are of the moonfish and Marlin. Here's a closeup of his art:
And this is his interpretation of the angler fish (you can see the address written on the diver's mask worn by the fish), Dory and Marlin:
That's not anything I'd taught him; he just taught himself :)
Oh, well, I was, at any rate, quite impressed!
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
New Family Names
I'm inspired by Rebecca's quest to rename her family members for her blog (highmaintenanceaspirations). I used to use my kids' real names...then, I changed it to their first initials...makes it easier to type, I guess, but not that, um, interesting!
Therefore,
My son shall henceforth be called Sharkbait, after his obsession, sea creatures, and one of his favorite movie characters, Nemo.
And my younger daughter shall be called Snuggie, because she's snuggly. Incidently, I got a pink Snuggie for Christmas! (Please ignore her 80s looking hair. I have no clue what's up with that.)
Hmmm, I don't think I'll name hubby...but if I did name him, I'd dub him Soundbyte, or something like that, since he's musically inclined...
And me, I'm just *Sunny* :)
Therefore,
My son shall henceforth be called Sharkbait, after his obsession, sea creatures, and one of his favorite movie characters, Nemo.
My elder daughter shall be named SweetSong, because she has started singing praise songs with daddy playing on the guitar. I also caught her singing her own melody one day...something like "shine, shine, shine, shine, shine, like Jesus, like God"...very cute. Very goofy, too!
And my younger daughter shall be called Snuggie, because she's snuggly. Incidently, I got a pink Snuggie for Christmas! (Please ignore her 80s looking hair. I have no clue what's up with that.)
Hmmm, I don't think I'll name hubby...but if I did name him, I'd dub him Soundbyte, or something like that, since he's musically inclined...
And me, I'm just *Sunny* :)
Morning Routine
One advantage to J's Asperger's is that he thrives on routines. This is good because I do not. I made up a "bedtime routine" to help cut down on unnecessary bedtime whack-a-mole games (one kid pops out of bed, gets put back, next kid pops out, etc.). J holds us to the routine! He will cry if we try to put his pj's on before he brushes his teeth, or if we try to offer a sip of water before Bible time!
It's been so successful, in fact, that I've instituted a morning routine.
This is a lot harder to follow through on, though, because J is not 100% excited about it, mostly because I included *gasp* chores!!! He is responsible for wiping the breakfast table after H clears it and before V vacuums the floor around it. But I'm gonna stick to it!!! I'm determined!
Our morning routine:
*wake up.
*eat breakfast.
*clean up the kitchen (chores listed above).
*make bed.
*brush teeth.
*put on clothes (including shorts for J, since he doesn't like to wear them!).
*review AWANA verses.
Veteran moms have told me often step-by-step is the way to go, but like a fool, I keep on attempting to change the whole system in one fell swoop. I'm finding though *sigh*, that they're right. It's all about instituting change one step at a time...
We'll stick with the bedtime and morning routines for now. After we get settled in our new place, I'm going to do workboxes to bring routine to our school times.
:)
It's been so successful, in fact, that I've instituted a morning routine.
This is a lot harder to follow through on, though, because J is not 100% excited about it, mostly because I included *gasp* chores!!! He is responsible for wiping the breakfast table after H clears it and before V vacuums the floor around it. But I'm gonna stick to it!!! I'm determined!
Our morning routine:
*wake up.
*eat breakfast.
*clean up the kitchen (chores listed above).
*make bed.
*brush teeth.
*put on clothes (including shorts for J, since he doesn't like to wear them!).
*review AWANA verses.
Veteran moms have told me often step-by-step is the way to go, but like a fool, I keep on attempting to change the whole system in one fell swoop. I'm finding though *sigh*, that they're right. It's all about instituting change one step at a time...
We'll stick with the bedtime and morning routines for now. After we get settled in our new place, I'm going to do workboxes to bring routine to our school times.
:)
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