A Sunshine Award

My first blog award! Thank you, Rebecca!

I'm passing the award on to six blogs that make me smile, mostly because I know each woman who writes them. You all are just as beautiful and creative in person as in your blogs!

Here they are in alphabetical order:

Connor Clan

Eager Little Mind

Kate in Uganda

Loving Parenthood

ma ma ma ma ma

PASwansons

To receive your award, save the award to your desktop, then paste it into a new post. Give the award, if you would like, to other blogs you enjoy by providing a link to them in the post and leaving a comment for them to receive it.

Hope your day is filled with sunshine!

Quick Update. No Pics.

The only "pic" I had today was when I "pic-ked" a pony bead out of Snuggie's nose with a chopstick! It was yellow. The bead, not the chopstick. Or the nose.

We're all getting over colds. We were out of the loop for so long due to a trip up north and our sickness that Sharkbait told his auntie he wishes he could go to school so he could see his friends! Ouch! Don't worry, little fella, we're going to get back into the swing of things this week. Does anyone else feel bad about infecting friends at Bible Study and Sunday School, but not feel bad about heading out to Walmart for painting supplies? Or is it just me?

So, we didn't go to our normal activities this weekend but did paint our blue wall in the master bedroom (it's "cozy neutral" now, to match the other three walls). We painted the master bathroom the same color: cozy, cozy neutral...mmmmm, I need a nap.

We also painted our little hallway between the kids' rooms the same color as our living room...what is it called? Cliveden leather? Um, how about light brown?

Our house is starting to shape up!

We're still "decluttering"...our garage looks like what our master bedroom used to look like.

It's hard to think that this house is sorta, kinda not ours anymore...we're preparing it, in a sense, for its new owners...sniff, sniff...

I hope the kids don't color on the walls anymore, especially with permanent markers.

Our sweet friend found out we were sick and offered to bring us chicken noodle soup. I was at the store, mind you, when she called, picking up a gallon of Cliveden leather-tinted paint. I was so blessed that I said, sure, chatting away with her, while the paint was being mixed. It didn't occur to me until about an hour before she was going to come over that we're not that sick. Snuggie was the first to get sick...then, SweetSong...then, Sharkbait and me...Hub's hanging on by a thread, trying not to get sick...it started with a day of headache, muscle ache, and low-grade fever...not a biggie...then, just a sore throat and some chest congestion/cough in the mornings...really, we were well enough to paint and play...and here was my friend, gearing up to bring us soup and Sprite! I called her, saying, hey, it's so sweet of you to offer, but we're really feeling okay! She laughed and insisted on bringing the meal over, saying, don't feel super, super bad about being a little sick...I smiled. I didn't feel super bad...just a little...foolish...

It was good soup.

I'll have to get some pictures up soon. Not of the soup. Of the house. And of Cliveden leather.

Inconsistent Intimacy

I love the moms' group at our church. We have so much to talk about and catch up on every (other) week, that we spend most of our meeting, uh, talking...and catching up! But the new study we've chosen is good, too.

It's called Train Up a Mom: a Bible Study for Mothers, by Vollie Sanders.

Yep, I need to get me some training to do this mommy thing.

This week's study was called "To Walk in Intimacy". Really, we know we need to have time with the Lord in order to mother our children in a way that glorifies Him. We get stuck when we can't figure out when...how...huh? We resolve to wake up before the kids or we determine to get some quiet time in after our kids are in bed...but something always comes up. Always.

It could be the kid who is getting sick and wakes early for comfort. It could be the coffee we gave the four-year old in the morning, still coursing through her veins at 8 at night! Hehe. It could be just plain ole fatigue or mental exhaustion...whatever it is, it prevents us from consistent time with God.

And that prevents us from seeking Him at all.

We read about Zacchaeus' determination to see who Jesus was in Luke 19:1-10. He had the odds stacked against him - he was short, bless his heart, and surrounded by a huge crowd - but he climbed that ole tree to get him a view of the Lord passing by. How excitedly he must have run, to run ahead of the crowd and to climb a tree. He welcomed the Lord Jesus into his home gladly...and his life was changed radically as a result.

My circumstances as a stay-at-home mom of three young children are not favorable for consistent intimate times with God. But I can seize any opportunity, like Zacchaeus seized that tree, to see the Lord. It might be during a car ride (when all three are strapped down!). Or when I'm washing dishes. I hope to have some quiet time during the day, but I don't need to condemn myself for the circumstances that might prevent it. The point is to go deep, in that moment, with God. To run excitedly, to expect great things. Whenever it happens.

And really, our goal is not to "make the Lord part of our lives". He is our Life. To separate our "time" with Him from the rest of our lives is silly. It's impossible. Either He is or He is not my Life. There are those intimate moments, sweet and refreshing; I need those to thrive. But it's dangerous to think that those intimate moments will sustain my life. Those inconsistent intimate moments are framed in my ever-increasing faith and my obedience to God, according to His consistent mercy and grace. To Him be the glory!

3 vs. 1

This is the first time I'm participating in Gratituesday from the Heavenly Homemaker's blog.

Here goes:

I'm so thankful that Hubby took Sharkbait and SweetSong to a neighboring Air Force base this morning. Yes, that's a four-hour drive there and back. They'll be back around dinnertime. No, I don't know what he was thinking, but I'm still glad he did it :)

It was a nice, relaxing morning to be alone with Snuggie. She cracks me up! I'm working on colors with her (still). I read the cover of a book out loud: The Little RED Hen. I asked the Snugster: What color is the hen? She said: ORANGE. Alright, here's the cover of the book. The book is old. The colors are faded. The hen does look orange, doesn't she?



(Those are her wee toes to the left of The House that Jack Built. Standing on the coffee table? Tsk, tsk!)

The blue books are from Dolly Parton's Imagination Library thing. If you have kids under 5 and you live in TN, you can sign up at the library to receive one free book a month! Yee-haw!

When Snuggie brought one of the books over to the couch where I was waiting for her, I said, "Oh, your favorite!" She replied, pointing to herself with great vigor, "I [insert her name here]!!!" I guess she thought I had said, "You're Favorite", like it's a name.

I let her take one picture on the camera. Her first. This is me, sitting on the floor in the hallway. See?

Weekly Report, 2/22-26/10

The usual, the boring...but still posting because I want to keep accountable!

We actually did get to complete the morning routine W-F. Monday morning we went to the library for family reading time (though they are on holiday until next Monday; we just hung out with friends there). Tuesday we went to our church's moms' group. I consider our morning routine part of homeschooling :)

No speech therapy today for Sharkbait because his therapist is out.

Sharkbait: AWANA verse; Phonics - one pg daily (bl, sl, fl, gl, cl); he also read the monthly Baby Animals magazine from cover-to-cover for his sisters and me, not that it's complex or long or anything...
SweetSong: AWANA verse and review; she also had fun going to town in the bathroom with a spray bottle of vinegar, water, and washing soda and a few papertowels (random)
All three: lots of read alouds and preschool Bible song CD (over and over)

In other homeschooling news, I got to put my hands on and peruse at my leisure Mystery of History, Vol. I. I'm super interested in using this next year for first grade. I have Story of the World, Vol. I, but not the Activity Guide...I wonder if I had the AG, would that suffice? How do you choose? I like that MOH is overtly Christian. It also is re-usable, in the sense that each lesson has assignments for students in varying ages/grades. Does the SOTW AG have that, I wonder? Hmmmm....need to do a bit more research :)

I've been horrible with keeping up with Math. It was funny, though, when I gave the kids a bath this morning, Sharkbait kept on saying his math facts, though we've not officially taught them to him yet. 5 + 5 = 10; 3 + 3 = 6; etc. Funny! I answered some of the harder ones, like 11 + 11 :)

I suppose that's something we could review in the car...

That's about it!

Staging My Kitchen

I'm so taking a small break from relating my adoption story. It's so intense that I have to be mentally prepared to write...which I'm not today! But I am slightly, um, affected by the metal cleaner I used on my kitchen cabinet handles this morning, so I thought I'd post some before and after pics of my kitchen as I get ready to put the house on the market.

I don't think our cabinet handles have EVER been cleaned. Cleaned, they bring a whole new look to the kitchen!

Okay, so here's what this area looks like when it's cleaned up (which isn't typical, by the way). You can't see the handles very well, but these are ones I haven't cleaned up yet.

First question: When showing my house, should I have the coffee maker out, like the photo above or not, like the photo below?

I had already cleaned and replaced the cabinet handles by the time I thought of taking pictures, so there's no real "before" photo for this area. However, this is what the sink area usually looks like: a crock pot or rice cooker out, papertowels, canisters, my cordless handvac (which you can't see well), etc.

This is what the sink area looks like with cleaned handles and less clutter:

Another view:

Oy, I had put all the clutter on the kitchen table when taking these pics. When we actually have to show the house, though, most of this stuff should already be packed away in storage somewhere, including the red wok on top of the cabinets.

Phew, this is going to be a lot of work!

My Adoption Story - A Letter

For some reason, I feel this need to put my adoption story into writing...I need to describe for myself and for my family and friends what this thing is all about.

Here is how I found out about my birthfamily.

My mom and dad's adoption papers were falsified. My original papers state that my birthparents were 11 or so years apart in age and unmarried. An illegitimate child in Korea has little hope for a good future.

When I was a student in France for a semester, a Korean gentleman approached me at the church I attended with my host family. He asked me in French if I were American. Yes, I said, how did you know? (I expected the usual question: Where are you from? which is always loaded down with meaning.) I don't remember how he answered, but I went on to explain that I was adopted. His response surprised me. He expressed guilt and asked for pardon on behalf of all Korean people for putting me up for adoption. Whoa. Hello! I'm the most BLESSED person in the world! Why would you feel guilty for letting blessing happen to me? And I don't even know you! You do not know my birthparents! I was learning about the intense cultural ties Koreans maintain with one another. I like to say that after living in Europe for one year and Asia for two and a half, that I see Americans and Koreans as being the most ego-centric culturally. Americans almost always hang out with other American expats. The same with Koreans.

In fact, when I was in Albania on a short-term missions trip, I was approached by a group of Koreans encouraging me strongly to stay with them to celebrate the New Year. I had no clue who these people were and I was with my own group! Very surprising.

At any rate...

Over the rest of the semester the gentleman and I met at various times to talk. He offered to find out more about my birthfamily when he got back to Korea, as he was a professor of law in Seoul. I sent him my papers when I returned home and didn't hear from him for a long time. Then during Spring Break my senior year in college, I received a letter from the adoption agency.

***********

I just pulled out the letter. It's right here in front of me. I haven't looked at it in years...and now I see that the agency did indeed give me the names to my birthparents! Wow! All these years I had forgotten that...Maybe I just didn't want to process it...it's funny, though, because when I was living in Korea a few years after receiving this letter (which does, indeed, include an offer to help me find my birthparents!), I asked the agency for my family medical records, which they do not keep. They could only offer to put me on a list of adoptees looking for their birthfamilies. If the birthfamilies come looking for their children, then they can be matched up. But why didn't the agency do more for me, if they had already promised to do so in this letter, written a few years prior? I don't know. Maybe I don't really want to find my birthfamily.

The letter states that my birthfather was 33 years old and had a "meek and gentle personality". I guess he was "attractive". They also include his height (5'5"), which I find amusing. My birthmother, apparently, is 5'4" and has a "very docile personality and a sweet disposition". She was 32 (not 22) at the time of my birth. They were married, and had three daughters already.

The report my mom and dad received when they adopted me stated that my birthparents had "already signed the legal document to relinquish parental rights" at the time of my birth. Now this letter states that "according to the story given by the midwife [my] birthparents decided on an adoption plan due to their serious financial problems after [my] birthfather's business went bankrupt." I wonder when that happened...

Like I said, the birthparents' names are included in the letter! How in the world did I miss that??? And the letter ends with an offer to help with finding my birthfamily! How in the world did I miss that??? The woman who signed the letter is the same woman whom I emailed years later when I lived in country and asked for my medical history. Maybe if I had reminded her of this letter, more than getting my name on a list might have happened.

But would I have wanted something more to happen?

I've read/heard that most adoptees are content seeing pictures of their birthfamilies. Or that when they do meet the birthfamilies, due to language and cultural barriers, the biggest thing they get out of the experience is: whoa, it's weird meeting someone who looks like me. I have three children, and none really look like me. In fact, just the other day, someone commented on how different each child looks. The person went on to say that our son looks more like Hub. Hey, I wanted to protest, you should compare my 2-month pictures with my son's 2-month pictures. We look similar! But yes, he's always compared to Hubby...sigh.

When I lived in Korea and took the subway into or out of Seoul, where I was born, I would search the faces of my fellow passengers, looking for a woman who looked like me. Maybe she would be one of my sisters! I never did see anyone who looked similar.

I guess if I did meet my birthparents, I would try to assuage any guilt they might bear. I would convince them in the strongest terms I know that I grew up blessed, in a loving, Christian home. I would express my thanks to them for giving me a wonderful life in America. I would bring pictures of my happy childhood, of my dear family. I would hug them if they wanted, and listen to their words. Out of curiosity and a love of studying people, I would ask for their stories. How did you meet? What are your parents like? Did you have cravings when you were pregnant with me? Why did you give me up for adoption, again?

**********

Do I have a burning desire to meet my birthfamily?

No, not really.

But I would, if the opportunity presented itself.

I mean, why not? My story reads like a novel. I'm interested myself, in how it'll all turn out! Curiosity - that's why I'd meet them. Resolution? Reconciliation? Two big words, too big ideas. I'm not there. Yet.

Forgiveness is one thing when it's between you and God. It's another thing when you're face-to-face with the other person.

And like I said, I'm not there yet.

But now that I have names, I can pray for them. Yes, I can pray. The Lord calls me to pray, draws me to His heart to pray for my birthparents. That I can do.